Closet Thoughts
by rizandace
Summary: Pages 542-547 of New Moon from Edward's perspective. What is he thinking while Bella and Charlie talk in Bella's room?


**This is an edited version of an old story... I was appalled by a few typos that I found and couldn't resist going in and fixing them. I hope you read!****Author's Note: This is just something that came to me while I was re-reading bits and pieces of the Twilight series, in preparation for the movie a week from Friday. I hope you enjoy it, and I'd like to encourage you to review! It takes no time at all, and it is really exciting for me, and for other authors.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: I really don't like talking about this, it makes me depressed. I don't own Twilight, duh.**

**This is all from Edward's POV, by the way.**

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said to Bella. My voice was resigned, but she must know I had no intention of going far, or for very long. Now that I had her back, I was overly determined to prove my loyalty to her in whatever way I could.

The sound of her heart, a strong and steady drumming that was the source of not only her life, but mine as well, stuttered, and stopped. Her breath sucked in loudly.

I felt my stomach drop at the look of panic that crossed my beautiful Bella's porcelain features.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet then?" I already knew her answer before she spoke it. Bella's mind was forever shrouded in mystery, but her thoughts often times displayed themselves quite clearly in her eyes. It was one of the millions of things I had missed about her during the last several agonizing months.

"No," she whispered, and her voice came out choked, a desperate plea, begging. "Stay. Please."

The words coming out of her mouth gave me a sort of sick and twisted pleasure. I did not deserve her love, and it made me feel disgusted with myself. At the same time, my dead heart soared at the very idea that she could want me as much as I wanted her.

I smiled at the angel in front of me and slipped into the closet. I could hear Bella's strong heart beat speed up as she waited anxiously for the arrival of her father, and her breathing became shallow.

Charlie's thoughts as he walked up the stairs were a mixture of agonized worry for the safety of his daughter, and pure fury at me for stepping into her life again. Like always, his thoughts were shrouded in something a bit like a thin cloth- hiding the details from view, but allowing me a basic picture.

The door creaked open, and Charlie's footsteps padded across the floor.

"Morning, Dad." The voice of my love spoke clearly and confidently. This tone did not match the nervous pattern of her heartbeat and the labored pace of her breath.

Charlie's thoughts took on the tenor of someone who had been surprised. He hadn't known she was up.

"Oh, hey, Bella." Although I didn't have the power to see through the wooden walls of Bella's closet, I could imagine the way the blood was pooling beneath Charlie's cheeks. He was embarrassed at being caught. I pushed the venom away from my throat, giving it no thought. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." Bella's voice reached me through the door of the closet, soft and persuasive, still with that faked confidence that only I knew was a lie. The shuffle of cloth sounded and I could tell she had started to rise from her spot on the bed.

"Hold on," her dad said. He wasn't one to be fooled by Bella's nonchalant attempts at evasiveness. He wanted answers. I winced. We had no cover story. "Let's talk for a minute first."

The light flickered on, and through Charlie's unclear mind I saw Bella's eyes flutter in response to the brightness. I was surprised at the reaction this caused me. Bella's small amount of discomfort at the sudden brightness in the room caused my fists to clench together in anger. I wanted to shield her from this, protect her from even the smallest and insignificant amount of pain.

"You know you're in trouble," Charlie continued. My fists remained clenched. I wanted to burst out of my hiding place and tell him to blame _me_, not her. Bella had done nothing wrong. In fact, she had done everything _right_. I fought the impulse. If I were to reveal myself now, Bella's punishment would be even more severe.

"Yeah, I know." Bella's reply was resigned, as if she felt she deserved some sort of reprimand. The idea was ludicrous.

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone." I got a glimpse of the torture he had endured, and I winced, imagining how I would have felt if Bella had disappeared and I hadn't known if she was safe. "Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when- or if- you were coming back." His rant was becoming more animated, and the furious glint in his tone matched the one in his thoughts. "Do you have any idea how… how…" he trailed off, not finding words for his pain. He sucked in a sharp breath, and delivered his suggested sentence. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

My mind split in two precise halves. If Bella were to go live with her mother in sunny Florida, she would be much safer. On the other hand, my entire being was instinctively opposed to any course of action that would separate me from her, especially now that I knew how much she needed me.

Bella's face, shown to me once again through the inaccurate glimpses I could obtain through Charlie, was livid. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth turned down. "Because I won't go."

I nearly grinned, in spite of myself. Her stubbornness was another one of the endless traits that I had craved when I was gone.

"Now just one minute, young lady-" his parenting voice was one that he didn't use often, and this strange tone of sternness came out sounding unpracticed and ineffective. Bella cut him off.

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my action, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want." I strongly disapproved of this statement, and frowned into the darkness surrounded me. She didn't deserve any sort of restriction for saving my life. "I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson." Knowing Bella, she'd do all of these monotonous chores whether she was told to or not- unreasonably, I was sure the guilt at hurting Charlie was eating her up at this very moment. "And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too- but that won't make me go to Florida." I grimaced at this. Would she really be willing to move into a house full of Vampires? Did she trust me that much?

Charlie's thoughts were in a red haze, and I imagined that his face was something like the color of a tomato. His breath wheezed in and out through his constricted throat as he fought to find control. His thoughts turned in a new direction.

"Would you like to explain where you've been?" Bella's breathing stopped short, and my hand reached out ineffectively as if to comfort her.

"There was… an emergency," she finally managed. I clenched my jaw tightly together. Would she be able to think of something clever enough to fool him? As much as I loved my Bella, her acting skills weren't up to par by anyone's standards.

Charlie's thoughts were doubtful and expectant, he was waiting for an elaborately weaved lie. He wouldn't be disappointed.

She sighed, the breath whooshing out of her in one large gust. Even from my spot several feet away from me, her scent hit me. Shockingly enough, the monstrous response that I was once so used to did not appear. She smelled delicious, as always, but the very idea of doing anything to harm her made my body lock down in a spasm of pain.

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding." That it was. A life threatening misunderstanding. "He said, she said. It got out of hand."

He didn't respond, and he was clearly expecting more.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" her slip made Charlie's indistinct thoughts scramble frantically. _She… cliff… _what? I could imagine his face, the tomato red from earlier was probably re-reddening, maybe even tilting towards purple.

Bella realized her mistake. I heard her teeth snap together in chagrin. "I guess I didn't tell you about that," she said, and her tone was wavering, choking, not retaining its earlier calm. The instinct to go to her to calm her was nearly over-powering. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake." I felt a healthy dose of guilt roll through me, now that I knew Bella's true motivation for jumping. Not to kill herself, but so that she could _hear my voice._ The pain of this knowledge nearly made me groan out loud.

She moved on quickly, trying to bring Charlie's thoughts away from cliff diving. "Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset." And the award for the biggest understatement of the century goes to… "She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something." _Accidentally_. I mentally scoffed at that word choice. Rosalie's apology to Bella had been one of the only things that had stopped me from ripping her head off as soon as we were in the car back from the air port. Also, I thought it might have upset Bella.

"He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L.A., to explain in person." I saw her shrug, attempting nonchalance, through Charlie's mind. Could Charlie really be dense enough not to notice the way she had hesitated, the way her voice has gone up in pitch as she provided him with a totally false location? Or was it that I was just so attuned to her voice by now that I could pick up on these small lilts that other people missed?

"_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" The very idea that my angel could do something like that was the personification of pain. There were so many ways her fragile human life could be in danger. She shouldn't be able to add _herself_ to the list of very possible death threats.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake." _Liar_. But I was relieved to hear how truthful the first part of her statement sounded. She really hadn't been trying to take her own life. But was it because she wasn't miserable enough to do so, or because she was afraid of the other people she might hurt? "Cliff diving. The La Push kids to it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

Charlie's thoughts became furious again. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he shouted. I closed my eyes. I had been waiting for this. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word-"

"Another misunderstanding." Bella's voice was calm. My eyes snapped open in surprise. Charlie _should_ be furious with me. I deserved much worse than his anger. I deserved Bella's fury as well, and here she was, defending me. It somehow made everything worse.

"So is he back then?" Charlie asked. The idea clearly repulsed him, as it should. He had _no idea_ in exactly how many ways my presence in his daughter's life was a bad idea.

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think _they all are." How could she not know the plan? Of _course_ I was back. I was never going anywhere again, unless she sent me away. I fought back another groan at that idea.

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella." Charlie began. I had to agree with the conviction in his voice. She should stay away from me. At the same time, I was angry at Charlie for trying to separate us. "I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again." I was still torn between mentally ripping Charlie's head off and mentally giving him a round of applause.

"Fine." The word made my entire mind and body lock down. I had been expecting and argument, not… had she just… I couldn't even think the words clearly. Had she just agreed to stay away from me? The tiniest hint of a whimper escaped my throat as I contemplated trying to leave again. My resolve was so weak… squaring my shoulders, I decided that if it was really what she wanted, I would have to suck it up and go. _No…_

Charlie was just as shocked as I was. "Oh." His mind was scrambled, and as he fought for some order, I fought to keep the intense pain I was feeling silent. "I thought you were going to be difficult." _So did I…_

"I am," she responded, her voice harsh. "I meant, fine, I'll move out."

I shouldn't have felt relief. I should have been sad that she would be willing to cut ties with her family for me. All I could concentrate on was the release from the pain, the ability to exist again, the freedom that her words had given me. A grin split across my face.

Charlie's mind was suddenly horrified, and I heard his heartbeat accelerating wildly. I couldn't imagine that his face was red anymore, probably more a ghostly color. The blood had drained entirely from his face, I knew that much.

Bella backtracked, probably worried for his mental- and physical- health. "Dad, I don't _want_ to move out." Her tone was softer now, a gentle caress. I closed my eyes and basked in the warmth of it; though it wasn't intended to sooth _me_, it had done an extremely good job of it. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up from Edward if you want me to stay." I smiled to myself. She was too kind for her own good. "Do you want me to live here or not?"

As Charlie replied, his mind flashed through the pros and cons of being nice to me. He wanted Bella to stay, because the alternative was _not_ an option in his mind. However, he thought of the way Bella was after I left…

I nearly gasped aloud. Through the cloudy uncertainty of his brain was a picture that would now be branded forever in my memory. Bella's weak and pitiful expression, her tiny body lying pathetically on the couch… a group of anxious people surrounding her, glancing down at her. I recognized the clothes she was wearing. This picture was from the day I left her. Charlie might ease up on me with his words, but he would never know the effect his thoughts had on me.

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay." His mind continued to flash through the months of my absence- his conviction to keep me away from her was still strong. Her face was zombie-like, dark shadows under her eyes, which held a dead sort of non-expression that had me closing my eyes to block the picture. This was ineffective, of course, and the haunted brown eyes followed me.

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." _No, don't be nice to me. I don't think I can handle it_. I thought. But the end of her sentence caused a small smile to flit briefly across my face. Yes, I would be where she was. For as long as she wanted me. According to her, that would be forever.

The picture that Alice had put in my mind way before she had even met Bella suddenly popped up in front of my eyes. _Forever. _The picture of Bella as an immortal and invincible vampire was both repulsive and amazingly exciting. The excitement seemed a little stronger than the repulsion, and this scared me.

"Not under my roof," Charlie said, interrupting my thoughts. I zeroed back in on his mind. He had no intention of letting me inside to see his daughter ever again.

Bella sighed again "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight- or I guess it's this morning." It _was_ early. She should be sleeping again. She'd been through a lot. I frowned. "Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

I drowned in the comfort of those words, and relished in the way she seemed to have no trouble saying my name now, as she had earlier, before she realized that I was really here to stay.

"Bella-" Charlie began.

"Think it over," she repeated. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower." She smelled fine to me, much more than fine, but I suppose that by human standards, three days without showering could cause some discomfort.

I positioned myself in front of the crack between the closet door and the wall, catching a glimpse of Charlie's face as he departed. His face was purple with anger, but he did as he was told, and departed the room, closing the door a little harder than necessary.

She listened to the sound of his irritated stomps down the stairs, and by the time she had removed her blanket, I was already sitting in the rocking chair that she was held in as a child. To her, my move to this location would have too fast to notice.

"Sorry about that," she whispered to me. I couldn't imagine what she had to apologize for, especially since I had deserved every horrible thing Charlie had said- and thought- about me.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I muttered, staring at her. It was a relief to see her face again, for real this time, through my tuned vampire vision instead of the doubly inaccurate picture created by Charlie and his human senses. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," she said to me breezily as she began to collect items for her shower from around her room. They were all in very specific spots in the spotless room, as if Bella had just returned home from a three month vacation instead of a three day run to Italy and back. As if this room hadn't been occupied by anyone remotely human for quite some time. I shuddered, unnoticeable to her.

"I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that," she continued. "Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" her eyes widened, and amazingly, she was _teasing_ me. She was absolutely certain that I would let her move in with me. She was right, of course.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" I grinned slightly.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me." My smile widened at her contorted logic, though I had to admit she was probably right. "Besides… if Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?" she was smiling, but the words accompanying this grin had my own smile falling off my face.

"So eager for eternal damnation." I murmured, closing my eyes briefly to compose myself.

"You know you don't really believe that," she said cheekily. I fought to make sense of this, and wished once more for the power to see inside her mind. Of course I believed that. If it weren't for the sacrifice of her soul, I'd be far more eager for her transformation, and for the beginning of our forever.

"Oh, don't I?" I said, my eyebrows creasing in confusion and a hint of anger. Not at her, of course, but at myself for being so tempted by the idea of Bella as a vampire. I was so incredibly selfish.

"No. You don't."

I glared at her and opened her mouth to tell her the truth, but she cut me off quickly.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together." I was rendered speechless by this new idea, and she continued in a rush, determined to explain it all to me. "But you didn't- you said '_Amazing, Carlisle was right.'_ There's hope in you, after all."

_Huh_. My mind was strangely blank.

"So let's both just be hopeful, alright?" she said. And then she grinned. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

She idealized me far too much. Trying to chock out a response to her amazingly beautiful and truthful words, I staggered to my feet and placed my hands on either side of her face. Their warmth was tantalizing. "Forever," I whispered, a sacred promise that I would rather die than break. I was still reeling.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said, her voice a little breathless. She stretched on her toes to kiss me, and I let myself fall into the blissfulness that I knew I did not deserve.


End file.
